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Mark Antony: His last butt - ВІРШ
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His last butt

Inspired by “Elementary” TV series -“The reception area of the hotel was strangely silent, and even though he rang the bell several times, nobody answered. He waited for another couple of minutes and decided to find a more hospitable place to stay. He turned around, and cursing the hotel manager loudly, went towards the exit. Just as he had closed the front door of the hotel behind him, he heard a sound of a window being opened and looking up, saw a huge bat sitting on the windowsill. Being a true Englishman, and hence a great lover of animals, he offered the bat some weed. The bat only looked at him scornfully. So, he began smoking the butt himself and said: -"Well, since you don't smoke..." The bat bared its enormous teeth nastily, and said: - 'If you were a true gentleman, you would have offered me a drink!' Naturally, he got very scared, ran back into the hotel and bolted the door behind him. He ran towards the reception desk and started banging his fists upon it while shouting: -"Help! There is a vampire in this hotel! We are all in danger!" He kept shouting this till he heard the doors upstairs open, and all kinds of monstrous creatures poured into the hall. There were werewolves, vampires, goblins, leprechauns and dwarfs with big clubs. Frightened almost to death, he ran downstairs and bolted himself in a roomy dungeon. He had just sat on the cold stone floor in order to catch his breath and consider the extraordinary circumstances of his case when a loud banging on the door made him jump to his feet. A horrible, blood-chilling voice proclaimed: -"I am Count Dracula, the king of the underworld! Who dares to disturb my guests in the middle of the celebrations of the anniversary of my birth?" He replied: "Dear Count, by no means I wanted to disturb you on such a day, especially in the middle of the night! I just was looking for a place to stay..." -"This is of no concern to us" - interrupted him the Count. -"For your lack of manners, you shall pay with your life. The only choice you have is how you will die - open the door and I promise you a quick and painless death; otherwise, we will take down this door and you shall regret that you have ever been born!" Entranced by this mysterious voice, John moved slowly towards the door but saw a chainsaw lying in the corner. He ran towards it, picked and inspected it. It seemed to be in perfect order and fueled up. A sudden decision was made in his mind - if he had to die, why not to do so fighting! So, he lit a fresh butt (the last one in his life, actually) and started the engine of the chainsaw. Then he quickly unbolted the door, flung it open and started dealing death right and left. The creatures of the underworld recoiled. He kept cutting his way through the masses of the horrible creatures towards the exit. Miraculously, he managed to escape from the hotel. He discarded the chainsaw and ran towards the forest, where he collapsed on the grass and into oblivion. Waking on the next day in the forest, he decided to notify the police. So he went back to the town. But, walking past a news stall he caught a glimpse of a fresh morning paper headline which read: "Madman with chainsaw wreaks havoc at Halloween party". Then it dawned on him what he had done. – “This was the last butt in my life…” he murmured, crumpling his pack of cigarettes and throwing it into the nearest dustbin… ” -“I hope that now you see, my dear Watson, how elementary all this is,” said Sherlock Holmes showing Dr. Watson the bloodstained pack he had extracted from the bin and lighting a butt from it.

ID: 738502
Рубрика: Проза
дата надходження: 19.06.2017 22:36:23
© дата внесення змiн: 19.06.2017 22:36:23
автор: Mark Antony

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